Monday, April 30, 2012

Fun things FIRST:)


Yep, I'm a little behind on blogging once again so I decided to start with the fun post and then I can work on the harder posts a little bit later:) Things have been pretty crazy with little Tallin this week so I decided that I was going to LEAVE the hospital for the 1st time since he's been born (I only had a few melt downs)  and spend the weekend with Kaj and the kids. WOW I forgot how EXHAUSTING my children can be, but we sure did have a WONDERFUL TIME.

*1st up Picnic at the PARK!! I couldn't be more excited for WARM weather, the kids have been cooped up in the house ALL winter and I think we are all ready for them to be able to go outside! Kynlie doesn't remember much about last summer so being outside is pretty new to her:) She was a little hesitant about being put on the grass at the park but she ended up LOVING it! Kajsen thinks that the SLIDE is the best invention ever, he probably went down it at least 50 times. Ryker and Bri LOVE to wrestle and run around with any and every Ball they can get there hands on. I cant believe how much they have all grown in the last couple of weeks since I've been gone. (Ryker scored his very 1st goal, Briyler has decided that he is the boss OF EVERYTHING, Kajsen's vocabulary is increasing by the minute. He actually says the word "pan" instead of just "hot", and Kynlie girl is crawling around EVERYWHERE!) I MISS THEM ALL LIKE CRAZY  but I know that they are having soo much fun with grandma Trish and Dad and that makes it a little easier for me to be away.
dad and dugi love soccer;)

"if I say cheese then can I go play?"

she is SOO BIG!

the boys loved being able to go outside!!
come and get it Dugi:)

*2nd up NAP TIME!! :O) haha this wasn't so much an event for the kids but it was definitely an event for the adults... who doesn't love a good nap on Saturday afternoon?!... (I'll tell you who, ryker and bri!! :)

*3rd up, DAT NIGHT FOR MOM & DAD!! (yep ANOTHER ONE, this time for our anniversary) I don't know how Kaj and I ever did the whole long distance dating thing, it is SERIOUSLY THE WORST.... I'v been noticing the last few weeks that Kaj is struggling trying to be SUPER DAD. I mean a full time job, 4 crazy kiddo's at home, a baby in the NICU and an emotional postpartum wife. LIFE doesn't get much harder than that;)... Sooooo lucky for us we have WONDERFUL FAMILIES who will watch our kids so we can "escape our reality" for a couple hours and focus on having SOME FUN together!!
 Tonight's date, (my anniversary gift from Kaj.. *** small note*** its not the best one i'v ever received but I love you just the same honey!!..:O) The REAL SOCCER GAME! Kaj LOVES soccer so this should have been a SUPER FUN night for him and I think it would have been if I didn't make him leave the game at half time cause I was FREEZING!!:)
 The score at half was (2 -0) and real was winning, (in soccer that is a HUGE LEAD) so I thought we were totally fine to leave but little did I know the other team would come back and TIE the game, and then in the last 2 min of play REAL scored a goal to make the final score (3-0) REAL WON.. Yep I pretty much made my husband miss the soccer game of the CENTURY all because I was a little cold.. haha..
 After we left the game we decided to stop and eat, Cafe Rio another one of Kaj's favorites (he seriously lucked out this year), and then a little cold stone ice cream to top it off, mmm mmmmm.      
For me I think the best part of the night was the drive home. I don't remember our whole conversation but what I do remember is my SWEET HUSBAND stopping the car and asking me "how are you doing?  I mean how are you REALLY DOING?" its not like he doesn't ask me this on a daily basis over the phone, but being able to see him and the love and concern in his voice made me feel soo blessed to have such a wonderful companion. Of course that question led to A LOT of tears and hours of him having to listen to everything that was "on my mind" and of course he didn't complain a bit:).. He was quite the opposite, he gave me lots of hugs and words of encouragement. He offered to give Tallin another blessing and even helped me call to check on him every 3 hours through the night. :)

Nice Jersey! *That was the hubby's anniversary gift:)
why i had to have a picture of the parking lot, who knows!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Date night's make my Heart Happy:o)


There are days when I look at my life and I cant help but think how TRULY BLESSED I am. Is this really ALL mine?!-  A wonderful husband, 5 (FIVE, that sounds SOOO CRAZY TO ME) beautiful children, an unbelievable FAMILY, a Loving Heavenly Father, some of the BEST FRIENDS a girl could ask for...-  What did I ever do to deserve this?! In fact I have made MORE than my fair share of mistakes and in reality there is now possible way that I could ever deserve all the blessings that I'v been given, but LUCKY for me Heavenly Father forgives and continues to bless me inspite of my short comings.

Kaj and I have both been so busy lately that it has been hard to focus on ANYTHING but the kids. Our anniversary is coming up this week so I thought it would be a good idea to make some weekend plans:) SUSHI AND THE JAZZ GAME!! I had no IDEA that I was missing my husband SOOO MUCH. This date night was just what I needed: there was no talking about the kids, no worrying about weather or not they were ok with a babysitter, no texting to check in on them every 10 min, no rushing home to make sure they got to bed.. Instead there was lots of HUGS and KISSES, lots of little squeezes of the hand, lots of snuggling,  LOTS of laughing, and LOTS of IPhone scrabble (ha, that one's for you honey). It was soo nice to just be able to enjoy eachothers company, for the first time in a long time we actually got to "check up" on EACHOTHER. Sometimes I forget that we are a couple, and that I am a wife and not just a mother. Sometimes I focus soo much on the kids that I forget about being a wife and a friend to my husband. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful Man in my life: someone that makes me want to be a better person, someone that I look up to, someone that I trust and love more than anyone else, someone that I admire,  HE is someone that I cant picture my life without. Not only is Kaj a wonderful companion he is the BEST FATHER in the world, the kids absolutely ADORE DADDY, and when I see him interact with them it makes my heart happy:o) .... Last night everything hit me and I saw him in a whole new light. I noticed things between us were different. A lot different from when we were dating and when we first met . I noticed that the way I looked at him is a little different and the way I feel about his is TOTALLY different. I was trying to figure out exactly what I was feeling and by the end of the night I had FINALLY Figured it out!! I am Falling in Love with him all over again!! (and it is the BEST feeling in the world!)...  I am soo excited to see what life has in store for our little family and I couldn't have asked for a better person to share the journey with:)

our awful "nose bleed" seats :O)

good thing we had a "zoom" button

How could you not LOVE someone as handsome as this man!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Weekly update:)


If you've seen my recent posts then you probably know things are pretty crazy around here.. I thought it would be a little easier to just do a weekly update with everything going on. So here we go......

Tallin is doing GREAT!!! He is gaining weight, he is currently 3lbs 14oz, which means he is already past his birth weight.. AMAZING!! He no longer has the IV for supplement,  and he is transitioning from the incubator to a regular crib. He does pretty well but occasionally he needs the warmer because his temperature drops. He is on "phase 1" of the 4 step eating process (this is by far the thing that takes the longest) in order for him to be able to come home he has to pass all 4 phases.. Right now they only let him eat 2 bottles in a 24 hour period and today he ate BOTH BOTTLES GONE (he is only *required* to eat 75% of each bottle during every phase, and they told me he wouldn't be able to do it because he was still to little! THEY WERE WRONG:) he has to do this for 2 days and then he can move onto the next "phase" which will be 4 bottles in a 24 hour period and he has to do that for 2 days..  and then it goes up from there...:) once Tallin can keep his body temperature on his own and once he graduates all of the "eating phases" then he can COME HOME!! :O) I am hoping a week and a half, maybe 2 before we get to bring him home. CROSSING MY FINGERS!!!!

We got Kynlie's MRI results back tonight! SHE LOOKS GREAT, healthy and happy. NO SPINA BIFIDA!!!!! I KNOW that her being ok was 1 of many miracles Heavenly Father has given our family this week. I mentioned in my earlier posts how grateful I am for the priesthood but yep I'm gonna say it again!!! I feel so blessed to be in a church where the priesthood is still present, I know that Kynlie having a blessing had a huge impact on the outcome of this situation.  (There was most definitely a pocket of fluid and 2 doctors had come up with the same conclusion, she HAD spina bifida... She had been struggling for a few days and things just didn't seem right. IT WAS DEFINITELY SOMETHING, SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT!!) After my grandpa gave Kynlie her blessing I mentioned I felt a feeling of peace and comfort and I was afraid to say it then, but I KNEW she would be ok!! It is soo crazy to me how Present Heavenly Father is during the trials in our lives, if we just take the time to turn to him for guidance and comfort he will give us exactly what we need. I am so grateful for my testimony of a Loving Father in Heaven, I know Heavenly Father knows ME, He knows me by name! He knows all of my doubts, all of my fears, all of my feelings of inadequacy, He knows my struggles and YET He knows how to make it all ok. Heavenly Father knows what is best for my family and if we just have FAITH in HIM and HIS plan everything will work out EXACTLY the way that He wants it too.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Ryker TURNS 6!! Happy Birthday "big man"


Saturday April 14, 2012:) Ryker!!! I CANT BELIEVE YOUR 6!!!! How did this happen?.!....... You truly are a special little boy, you made your way into this world EXACTLY WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TOO!! I didn't know how much I needed you until I ACTUALLY had you!!! I know I'v said this before but you dramatically changed my life FOREVER and I am sooo grateful Heavenly Father sent you to me when he did. I love you SOOOO much, and I hope that you had a SUPER fun birthday with dad.......( ps make sure you give dad extra loves because mom said NO GUNS AND NO SWORDS, and dad got you BOTH:O) ** here are a few things that remind me of you at age 6

* you LOVE school and riding the bus

*you are a wonderful big brother, you help me with the kids all the time

*you LOVE your 1st year of SOCCER, and your really good

*anything that is a gun or sword has your name written all over it

*you and Briyler LOVE to tackle each other 24/7

*you dont like to be told No, and you still throw major fits when it happens:)

*you dont really like to eat meat

*your favorite movie is cars 2

*you love to play on electronics: IPhone, Ipads, and video games..

*you really like spiderman

Dad and I love you sooo much and we hope that you had a wonderful Birthday!! Bring on a NEW YEAR!!

Ryker has pretty much had a spiderman cake every year!

Briylers "gangsta" pose... quite funny!

Grandma let Ryker cut the cake! I would be scared too Mom:)

Grandpa (doing a spiderman pose), lexi and trevor


Pipa officially Hates cake:)

poor Ryker barely got his head in the picture.. and yes its freezing and rainy!

Happy 1st Birthday to my BeAuTiFuL baby girl!!


Wed April 11, 2012!! Happy Birthday to the most BEAUTIFUL Girl I know!!!  I cant believe how fast the time goes, Kynlie is ONE!! (Nooo way, it feels like just yesterday I was sitting with HER in the Intermediate NICU) I am amazed when I look at you, seeing how much you've grown from the time you were born is incredible.! You have always been one of the more mellow babies, you never really cried and you were content pretty much wherever I put you.... Since you've turned 1 though, your feisty little personality is coming out more and more!

*you hate it when Dugi takes your bottle

*you LOVE TO EAT!!!

*when you were first born you had dark hair but it has gotten lighter and lighter the older you get


*you started crawling sat april 14th;) just a few days after you turned 1

*you dont like cake, (come to find out)

*you love when your brothers play peek a boo with you

*Mom LOVES to dress you up in cute little outfits, with huge flower headbands!  (and your a pretty good sport:O)

*Dad loves to do *Q-pees with you (i'll post a picture, i know not everyone knows cheer language:)

*you have a dimple only on your left side though! ITS ADORABLE

*you smile a lot and it makes my heart melt

*** These are just a few of the things that I love about you being 1!! We love you little Kynlie girl and am looking forward to watching you grow and seeing your little personality start to shine!

I am seriously the cutest 1 yr old on the planet:)

what is going on today:)

Thank you Dad and Grandpa for getting her started with BYU early:)

Aunt Lexi and PIPA!

Dugi wants the bowls

Ryker being a nice big brother

Pipa didnt eat ANY of her cake, I'm pretty sure she hates CAKE ... huh!!

the only picture of her not crying !



grandma cleaning Kynlie up, she was sooo mad!

Dad makes her happy!! :O)

Mom put pink frosting all over Rykers lips and he thought it was really funny! :O) as did I!

Monday, April 16, 2012

One of the hardest days of my life!! I dont know how it is gonna work out but I know that it will.


Tues April 10th 2012, Yep you guessed it more doctors visits!! This week was crazy with me being in the hospital and Tallin being born and having to be in the NICU all we needed was another one of the kids to have to be taken into the Dr... Well thats exactly what happened, Kaj was at the hospital visiting when we got a phone call from my mom saying that Pipa was really cranky and that she might have another cyst that we needed to have looked at by the Dr. Kaj immediately ran home (since her last cyst was kind of a bad deal, Kaj didnt want to waste anytime getting her in to see the Doc).. Kaj made an appt for that night (TUES at 5:30) and what comes next NONE OF US WERE EXPECTING!!

The after hours Doc that saw Kynlie looked Kaj right in the eyes and told him that what we thought was a cyst was actually a pocket of spinal fluid. She said that Kynlie had spina bifida and that by the time she was a teenager she would probably be a quadriplegic. She had the other Doctor that was on call come into the room to look at the cyst and he also told Kaj he thought it was spina bifida. They told Kaj to immediately start Kynlie on antibiotics and to get her scheduled for an ultrasound ASAP, and then after the ultrasound she was going to need an MRI. Kaj PANICKED!! I mean who wouldn't, he was just told that his daughter, (only girl mind you) was going to be stuck in a wheel chair for most of her life and there is nothing he can do about it. Kaj called me to tell me what the doctors had said and that he felt like she needed a blessing.... After I heard the news I was a MESS!!! Kynlie my only daughter would be confined to a wheel chair, WHAT?!? this is all so sudden, how could this be happening?! AND my youngest son is in the NICU only a day old fighting like crazy to get stable and figure out how to survive at only 32 weeks old... (and here I am laying in the hospital bed in excruciating pain and not being able to do anything for either of them!!) I cant even begin to describe how hard that is for me, or for any mother, not being able to help your children when it seems like they sooo DESPERATELY need you!!!!! 

Kaj immediately called my grandpa and uncle and they decided to do the blessing at the hospital so that we could kind of give everyone a blessing all at the same time. :O) My grandpa gave Kynlie a blessing because Kaj was a little overwhelmed with everything, then Kaj gave me a blessing (I always get teary eyed when he gives me blessings, they are always soo spiritual... I cant even begin to express how grateful I am that he holds the priesthood, I have seen it bless our family on SOO MANY OCCASIONS.) then next my grandpa gave Kaj a blessing and lastly Tallin got a blessing.. Its hard to put the feeling into words but I felt a huge feeling of relief and peace after everything was done.. Even if Kynlie does have spina bifida (we don't know anything for sure yet) everything will be ok.. I JUST KNOW IT!!

Kaj scheduled Kynlie's ultrasound and when he took her in on Wed the cyst or pocket of "spinal fluid" WAS GONE!!! Kaj and my mom were both in shocked, IT WAS THERE YESTERDAY and now all of the sudden it was gone. The ultrasound tech did an ultrasound on the area where the cyst was but said that he couldn't really see anything abnormal and he didn't think we should worry about anything. After talking to my brother who works with some amazing Doctors in California and after talking to Kaj, we decided we couldn't just let this go. Some of the Doctors that know my brother said the only way to KNOW FOR SURE if someone has or doesn't have spina bifida is from an MRI. Kaj immediately heard that and said that we needed to MAKE SURE there is nothing wrong and if the only way to do that is an MRI then that's what we have to do. As for now it is a waiting game with her. She has days where she seems overly cranky and like something might be bothering her and other days where she seems like she is just a normal 1 year old!!

Her MRI is set for Thurs so if you have time for a few extra prayers we would REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!

The BIG DAY!!! Tallin is here:O)


WELL bed rest didn't last long!!  I went into labor on MONDAY APRIL 9th 2012 and Little Tallin made his way into the world at 4:29am!!  Poor daddy had to stay home with the kids but Luckily grandma made it just in time ... I had already gotten the epidural and it ACTUALLY WORKED!! I WAS COMPLETELY NUMB,** it is really a WEIRD feeling!..... They decided that since Tallin was gonna be so early I needed to deliver in the C-section room so that they could hand Tallin through a little window straight into the NICU. I pushed maybe twice and little Tallin was born.. Little Tallin weighed 3lbs 13oz and was the cutest 32 week old baby I'v EVER seen!! I didn't get to hold him or even see him for very long but the nurses and doctors told me everything was great and he was doing surprisingly well. **I don't really remember anything about the room, but I do remember having the MEANEST Dr on the planet.. but that's another story for another day:O)  My mom said that the room was very small and very bright and it was a little scary so I'm kind of glad I don't remember much!! :)

Tallin never needed oxygen, which is totally awesome for his age and he was completely developed.. (fingernails, hair, ears and even lungs, thank you to the steroid shots) ...... since Tallin has been born things have only gone up hill, he has increased to his normal feeding level, he's been taken off the jaundice lights, he keeps his temperature (almost on his own), he sucks a binkey, and is an awesome POOPER, and he is pretty much ready to be out of the incubator... He's even started gaining weight... (he is almost back to his original birth weight and he's only 6 days old... that's pretty much unheard of for NICU babies:) He is perfect in every way and I couldn't be more thrilled that he is FINALLY HERE!!!

Since Tallin has been born I haven't left the hospital and I am SOOOOOO GRATEFUL for my mom and Kaj who have taken on the brunt of running the house and taking care of all 4 kids on there own. I know that its crazy stressful for them even though they try to hide it from me most of the time...  All they worry about is me taking the time I need to recover and being here for Tallin (which I think is a HUGE help in getting him strong enough to come home)

I couldn't possibly list everyone that has helped us through this crazy time: neighbors, friends , ward members, extended family..... and the list goes on, but I am and will be ETERNALLY grateful for all of there love and support. I know soo many women came in to help without even thinking of what a burden it would be on there own families and for that I am SOOO THANKFUL!! I really cant even imagine how much harder this would be if I didn't have so much help! I will never forget all of the service that has been done for our family during the last couple of years and with my last few pregnancies, but I promise that no matter how busy I feel like I am or how much I feel like I have on my plate, I WILL ALWAYS take the time to serve others!!! Taking a meal, watching someones kids, or cleaning someones house, these are all things that have been done for me over the last couple of months and even years... It is truly soo humbling to have others come into your home and scrub your floors and do your laundry, I will never forget how hard it was to sit and watch them work but most of all I will never forget the feeling of Heavenly Father being soo close in those moments. I'm sure they have no idea but everyone of those people felt like ANGLES that had been sent from a LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER to help get me and my family through some of the hardest times in our lives. I can feel my testimony growing on a daily basis and I feel the Saviors Love alot more frequently these days. There is no greater gift than than that.

For now mom is at the hospital and "dad" and "grandma" are holding down the fort, lets pray that little Tallin gets stronger and is able to come home sooner than later.. (for everyones sake) :O)
Dad and the "little man" seeing this is= my HEAVEN:)

Tallin a couple days old.. Tal you are a wiggly baby and the nurses can never get you to stay in your little swaddler:)



Easter Sunday (april 8th 2012)!! I LOVE Easter and I found sooo many cute ideas online and I was soo excited to help teach my kids to "TRUE" meaning of Easter this year... *well at least that was my plan anyway*, but as you can imagine things didn't quite go the way I had planned them. Since I was in the hospital on bed rest and Ryker was with his dad Kaj and my mom kinda *winged* Easter this year. Kaj bought each of the kids there own pre made baskets (which they loved) and then of course the boys went to church with Kaj and my mom and then after church my mom took all 3 of the kids to my grandmas house for the annual Easter Egg Hunt. Kaj came to visit me in the hospital since he had to go pick up Ryker that night he had to skip the fun festivities at grandmas house..... (I'm not gonna lie, it was really nice to have him come visit me.. Hospitals don't do Easter Egg Hunts, so he brought me some treats to cheer me up ) .....
                                                       YUMM MY FAVORITE!!!!!

When the kids got to my grandma's and it was time to start the hunt, things started to go a little down hill.... Briyler especially was throwing a huge fit and the other 2 didn't really know what to do with all the commotion. (The kids are all in really FUN stages right now,  there is lots of whining and lots of tantrums on a daily basis) but after the kids stopped with the attitudes I think they really enjoyed the Hunt! My mom caught a few pictures of Briyler trying to put the Eggs in his pocket, I don't think he understood that he was allowed to take the eggs and no one was going to get mad at him:)  We were really sad Ryker missed it this year but I think he had fun at his dad's, and that makes me happy. **here are a few pictures of the baskets and the Egg Hunt.

 AWESOME Baskets !! :)

What is Easter? Whatever it is "I LOVE IT" :O)
Kynlie girl, your dad is 100% responsible for doing your hair Easter morning:)
Briyler throwing a tantrum and Ryan trying to show him THERE"S CANDY in the eggs!!
Kynlie isn't sure what she thinks about this Easter Hunt:)
Briyler "STEALING" the Eggs:O)

After the Easter Egg hunt the kids were pretty tired but my mom brought them to come see me at the hospital for a short visit. The boys were into EVERYTHING (including the chocolate cake they brought me for dessert) and there wasn't a button in that room they didn't try to push:)

my attempt at an Easter picture for this year:)

my chocolate cake, MESSY!!
this is what happened with the chocolate cake:)

Yep grandma with ALL 3 kids .. *you can see grandpa's knee in the picture, he *needed to rest* HAHA
dont worry dad, mom's "got this" :O)

Moms bed is the COOLEST!!

Grandpa finally snuggles Pipa:) *this is her wave, HI baby girl*

Thanks soo much Mom and Dad for all that you do, and I seriously have the best husband on the planet!!! Thanks Hun, for being soo amazing and being able to do Everything for Everyone all the time!!