20 weeks pregnant!

                                                                   ITS A BOY

Yep it's true, we are PREGNANT AGAIN!!!! I had my ultrasound last week and Everything Looks GREAT. I am 20 weeks which means HALFWAY (well a little more than halfway for me:O) WOO HOO... I am not really sure how I feel about being pregnant this time around, I remember how exciting pregnancy was with Ryker.. Everything was so new!! The first ultrasound, feeling the baby kick for the first time, watching my body grow but knowing it was because there was a little "life" growing inside of me.. It was all sooo exhilarating, and magical. I LOVED everything about being pregnant.... I wish I still felt that way!!! I think 5 kids in 5 years has been a lot for my body to handle and the excitement has been replaced with feelings of pure exhaustion. I'm physically, and emotionally drained. How do other women do it?! 
Don't get me wrong I am excited, I mean how can you not be excited for another baby? It's such a blessing to be able to carry children so why am I having all of these crazy feelings?! I was lucky enough to be able to attend the Time Out For Women Event last Nov, and I know some of the talks that were given were meant for me! The one that has made the most impact on me was the very last speaker on the very last day. She said that as women we tend to have a plan for everything. She made a point to say that when our plan "A" doesn't work we tend to make a plan "B" and then "C" and "D" etc.... as she was talking I was thinking to myself I must be on plan "X" or maybe even worse "Y" OR "Z", because my life is NOTHING like I had imagined it being. (not all in a bad way, but still nothing like I had planned). But then she lovingly proceeded to tell "me" that my life isn't on plan "X" or "Y" or even plan "C". (HUH, I thought. I'm pretty sure I know my life better than you do... well at least I think I do). She shocked me when she said:  Your on plan "A", His ( Heavenly Fathers) plan "A". Every trial, and tribulation, every success and failure, all of the heartache and joy, are all part of his plan, plan "A", for my life. Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself and his plan for me is much bigger than any plan I could have thought up on my own. I am soo grateful for that talk, and the effect that it had on me.. I know that this new beautiful "life" we are going to have is supposed to be coming to "OUR" family.. I know that there is a reason I wasn't able to get the IUD (that I went in 3 TIMES to get) I know that if I just have faith, Heavenly Father will help me with everything else that I'm going to need to raise all 5 of these wonderful little spirits. I think the first line of help he has to offer is already right here living in my home.. Yep you guessed it, KAJ!!!! My first reaction was panic and fear, I thought for sure his reaction would be the same, but it wasn't.  Kaj's first reaction was: This is "great" news, followed by his oh so comforting smile and hug. There was no doubt, or fear, just pure excitement and faith. He is soo good at that!! He never doubts he knows that there is a way and he's gonna find it! I know I say this a lot but how do you do it ALL? However you do it, I want you to know that I am SOOO Grateful for you. You are such a great example and I rely on your faith a lot more than you think I do;)
**p.s. just a little note for our newest addition: Mommy and Daddy cant wait to meet you and see what your personality is. The boys are soo excited for a new brother, I hope your ready for all the chaos. We've also been thinking about names for you. Dad and I came up with 3 that we like:
 1. Kolter,
 2. Tallin,
 3. Kooper.
We asked everyone to vote on which name they liked. Briyler and pretty much everyone else in the family like Kolter, grandpa Cameron likes Kooper, and mom and dad like Tallin.. OOHH and Ryker "isn't voting" because he wants your name to be Jonathon!! :) silly ol' Ryker. XOXO