Tallin's weekly update!

                               

This week has been REALLY rough! Tallin seems to be getting further and further away from being able to come home and the stress from everything going on in the last few weeks is really starting to take a tole on me. I have had more meltdowns then I can count and I spend hours upon hours trying to figure out what lesson I am supposed to be learning in the midst of all of these trials.
 This week Tallin went from being on "room air", needing about 21% oxygen, about a 1/4 liter of flow in his nasal cannula, and 4 bottle feedings a day: TO:   having really bad reflex, being back in an incubator, on about 30-35% and at really bad times 45% oxygen, 1 liter of flow and not being able to take any feedings by mouth. When little Tallins breathing apnea first started and they put him on oxygen he went from having 2-3 "events" in a 24 hour period to now having upwards of 11-12 "events" in a 24 hour period. He is no longer "self recovering" from his events and he now needs either extra oxygen or stimulating from a nurse to come out of the events. There has been multiple times this week when I have been holding Tallin for feedings and he would just STOP BREATHING. His little body slowly goes limp and then his lips and eyes start to turn blue. I can honestly say I have never felt SOO SCARED AND HELPLESS, as his mother I want soo badly to just be able to fix everything and make him healthy but during the "really bad events" and when me trying to stimulate doesn't help all I can do is watch and pray that the nurses and doctors can give him the care he needs to make it through.
 There are a few positive things he has been able to accomplish. Tallin is 5lbs today (WOOP WOOOP), he loves to suck on a Binky and he has been able to keep his stools consistent. He is awake for little bits of time during the day and its so funny to see his little facial expressions. He is a pretty mellow baby (I'm really hoping that doesn't change when we get home) and he loves to be swaddled and held. He already has his own little personality and I have loved every minute I have been able to spend with him already. I feel like him and I already have a pretty special relationship, we have a bond that no one else has the opportunity to have with him yet.
 Right now life for us is a little crazy and very emotional, but I am very grateful that our little Tallin is such a fighter. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for him and his time on this earth has just begun. Little Tallin has such a sweet little spirit and I cant wait for the kids to finally be able to see him, and as crazy as it sounds I cant wait until we can all be home together and our lives can get back to "OUR CRAZY NORMAL".

Oh and just in case any of you were wondering, grandpa has FINALLY come up with little Tallin's nickname.. its Tui, I actually don't mind that nickname and lately Iv been noticing that i call him that the majority of the time. The nurses think I'm crazy but  I kinda think it fits him:)

Dad and Tui

the closest thing to a smile I've been able to catch on camera:)

such a chill baby:)

this was right after he was born:)

this is a head box, poor little Tallin is such a mellow kid.